Cyclonic Studios

Hi, this is Graham. This is actually my first real entry, so subscribe to my feed, and share it in as many ways as you can (don’t worry, I’ve got links at the bottom).

Anyway, my first lesson is how to make a hideous website. There are plenty of very poorly designed sites out there. So here’s a couple tips to help you on your way to a really terrible-looking site.

1. The more hues in your gradients, the better!

Gradients than span across the color table generally detract from any color scheme you might have had. Oh, and its really handy because Photoshop comes packaged with a couple of these gradients.

2. Use gifs for all your images.

Nothing like a 256-color palette to make your website unattractive. Gifs use dithering to make the gradients appear smooth, but it is nothing like the perfect smoothness of a PNG.

3. Use compressed JPEGs.

Compressed JPEGs look even worse than gifs. The compression algorithm gives JPEGs a signature fuzzy-outline look.

4. Make your text hard to read.

Content really only matters a little, right? So why not use fonts crunched together so tightly and so small you can’t read what they say?
This content is actually very important, so its good that there are CSS properties that let us fit the most possible text into a small space; who cares if people need a microscope to read your text! Content really only matters a little, right? So why not use fonts crunched together so tightly and so small you can’t read what they say? This content is actually very important, so its good that there are CSS properties that let us fit the most possible text into a small space; who cares if people need a microscope to read your text! Content really only matters a little, right? So why not use fonts crunched together so tightly and so small you can’t read what they say? This content is actually very important, so its good that there are CSS properties that let us fit the most possible text into a small space; who cares if people need a microscope to read your text!

5. Use very overused fonts.

Millions of people use Comic Sans and Papyrus, why shouldn’t I?

Make sure to use all these techniques in your next web design to make it as amateur as possible. Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: I have a sarcastic sense of humor. The images used in this entry were meant to look really, really bad.